Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

Christopher J Music

Bassist, Guitarist & Composer

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New Playlist: 3 Blue Kings & More

New Playlist: 3 Blue Kings & More:  I put a new playlist, 3 Blue Kings & More, up on Spotify with 3 hours of music featuring tunes by all the great kings of the blues: BB, FK, AK and their disciples. Please follow and save the playlist.

Click the Button to Follow me on Spotify……and…then….check out my playlist “3 Blue Kings & More”.

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Dave Barry’s Colonoscopy Journal

I posted this the last time I had to have all this fun and so I wanted to be sure to share the fun with you all!

A friend sent me this today in an attempt to cheer me up and break my nervousness over my impending colonoscopy.  BUT, I almost don’t need a colonoscopy NOW…..I think I just had one reading this.

ROFLMAO!! OH, I CAN BARELY BREATHE NOW!!

++++++++++++++++++++
This is from newshound Dave Barry’s colonoscopy journal:

…….I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’

I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and star t eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action -packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of a ll the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ has to be the least appropriate.

‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me. ‘Ha ha, ‘ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

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New Music, New Video: Amazing Grace – How Sweet the Sound

Hey friends — Just letting you know that inspiration struck me and I finished some new recording and video editing in record time.  My latest recording is now on YouTube, or right here: It’s New Music, New Video: Amazing Grace – How Sweet the Sound.

Amazing Grace was written by former captain of a slave trading ship, John Newton and published in 1779.

Lyrics

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see!

‘Twas grace, that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved!
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come.
‘Tis grace hath brought me safe, thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise,
Than when we first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

 

 

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A Quick Intro to Christopher J.

I am Chris Hartzog and this is my website, Christopher J. Music.  I live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest in the Seattle, Washington area.

I’ve loved music as long as I can remember.  During many years of being a special needs parent to a very high needs child with autism, I started playing guitar again and started writing music.  And through that experience I learned that music not only transcends languages, it also transcends disabilities.

Today my music covers a variety of styles and instruments from folk to blues/jazz, and classical to pop-rock. I am a multi-instrumentalist, playing guitar, bass (electric and upright), ukulele, keyboards, and a singer and songwriter.  I also enjoy playing classical music on the double bass with my local community symphony orchestra.  And, I write, arrange, record and produce songs and put them on this website for people to download and hopefully share and enjoy.

Some Music

Go to the music store page for a complete catalog.

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Some Videos

 

Some Photos

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